My Little Homo
by Zackary's Father
Summary: Zack just became a First Class SOLDIER and he already has problems, will this resolve them or make them worse?
1. Zack Becomes First

**My Little Homo**

_Zackary's POV:_

! I am First NOW! Oh yeah! First Class! I'm gonna go tell 'Geal.

"Angeal, Angeal, Angeal, where art thou?" I yelled.

"Who are you looking for?" asked Sephiroth bumping into me.

"Uhh… I'm First now so I don't have to speak to you." I said running away.

"Next time I see you Fair, you're dead," he called.

"Oh… I'll come back if you spare me!" I called. Man he's scary. He made number one on my To Avoid List.

"Well I expect you to be in my bed in exactly 3 minutes," Sephiroth said. He tossed me some keys… to his room!

"Uhh… Where is Angeal?" I asked.

"In my bed, along with the rest of my fans," he said.

"Wow!" I yelled running to his room. I turned the keys in the door…

"Zackary, what are you doing here?" asked Director Lazard, he was half naked.

"EWWWW, put a shirt on!" I yelled in disgust, "where is ANGEAL!"

"He just left, he mumbled something having to do with sex and Turks," said Lazard.

"Okay," I yelled, running to the Turks own building.

"_Password, and security number, thumb print, name, and secret word,_" The machine said.

"I'm First Class, you asshole of a machine, I don't need to give you my fucking thumb print!" I yelled.

"_Okay then, leave and have a nice day SOLDIER 1__st__ class Zackary Fair," _The machine said.

"Why you son of a bitch," I yelled at the piece of shit, "No one calls me ZACKARY!"

"Yo, what's the haps Zackary Fair," asked a familiar cocky voice.

"RENO I WILL FUCKING DESTROY THIS FUCKING MACHINE!" I said.

"No need to hurt Canlynn, she doesn't bite only shoot, here you want me to help you?" Reno asked.

"I just wanted to tell Angeal I made First Class, I already went through pain by seeing…" I shuddered, "A half naked… Director Lazard.

"Holy Shit, bottom or top half?" asked Reno.

"If it was the bottom I would be in a coma, or having a seizure." I said.

"_Hello Reno, you have 10,000 new missions that need completed today_," the machine said.

"No fucking way I'm doin' 10,000 missions," Reno said going inside the Turk building.

"HEY WHAT ABOUT ME!?" I screamed. Reno held the door open for me. I ran inside and started screaming, "ANGEAL ANGEAL ANGEAL WHERE ART THOU!?"

Martial Arts Turk (F) came over. "Yo Zack, what'cha doing here?" she asked.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, oh… your one of the new _kids_." I said.

"First of all I'm 27 and I've been a Turk longer than you've been in SOLDIER, so do not get me started, _kid_," She said.

"Hey retard I'm 23 so when you're 40, I will be 36, so go to hell, ANGEAL ANGEAL!" I yelled walking away.

"He is having sex with commander," said Rude.

I ran to Tseng's room… "ANGEAL!" I yelled right outside the door.

*THUD* "Shit… fuck , go get that Angeal," I heard. The door opened and Angeal came out.

"I'M FIRST CLASS!" I screamed as loud as I could.

"I know, you could hear it, even through these thick walls, besides Kunsel called me and asked me to shut you up, you were being too loud," he said.

"Oh…" I said walking away. Well… that ruined the surprise. _Sniffle._ I left to my apartment._ One Winged Angel started to play._ "Fuck," I said picking it up. "Hello Seph… FUCK!" I hung up. Then I turned my phone on silence. _Knocking._ I went to the door and looked through the little hole in the top… it was Sephiroth. "_Shit" I thought._ I silently went to the bathroom. _Thud._ The door was knocked down.

"Zack, whatever happened to my room in 3 minutes?" asked Sephiroth.

I hid, "Zack's not home." He picked me up from my hiding place.

"Come on, we're going to my room," he cooed.

'NO!" I yelled and punched him, grabbed my sword and ran. He followed me, he was really fast.

"You cannot escape Zackary, I know where your paycheck is kept," he said.

I ran to the elevator just as it shut, "!"

Then I fell asleep.


	2. Cloud and Tseng?

**My Little Homo**

_Rufus ShinRa's POV:_

"I better hurry and get on the elevator," I said. "Damn, hurry elevator." _ DING. _"Hey look it's a man… he's a SOLDIER? First Class too. I don't have anything important to do except that meeting, but that can be cancelled; I've got a new toy… Hehehe. He is waking up.

"UGH WHAT… NGH… Rur…fus Shin…Re." He said.

I quickly pulled out a tranquillizer dart and shot Zack… hopefully that will do it, oh well I shot him a couple more times.

"NGH stop it, I want sex with someone else, Ruffff… us." Zackary said.

I did the only thing I knew how to do, shot him again. He got up and ran, just as the elevator opened.

_Zackary Fair's POV:_

I feel kind of woozy… hehehe… I am going to go fuck Strife… hehehe.

"Hi Zackary," said a familiar voice.

I turned around as, Kunsel was standing there.

"Good, it's you; let's go to your bed okay?" I said.

"I was just going to fuck Strife, I cannot go to my bed, I'm going to his!" yelled Kunsel.

"I was going to go fuck STRIFE!" I yelled.

"Strife is mine," he said, leaving for the Department Of Security building.

"NO!" I yelled. God help me… get Strife to my bed!

_Cloud Strife's POV:_

_Bam_, "I WILL KILL YOU IF THAT EVER HAPPENS AGAIN YOU FUCKING JEW!" I yelled.

"I'm so sorry Cloud, I was coming to take you to your bed," they said.

I turned around to see Kunsel… "Um… hi… uh… I… got… tra…ining… um… got…to… leave… see…you." I stammered.

"No," he said. He picked me up and carried me all the way to my bed! I started screaming!

"OMFG! Put me down. That's when Zack came in.

"Put him down silly man," he said.

"NEVER YOU CRAZY LOONY WOMAN!" he yelled before jumping out the window, with me. Zack followed.

"NO ONE CALLS ME CRAZY OR LOONY!" he yelled back.

Kunsel took me to his room and threw me in.

"BASTARDS HAVE YOU EVER ASKED ME WHAT I FUCKING WANT YOU LITTLE MOTHER FUCKERS I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU BOTH UNLESS YOU START PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!" After I said that I started to cry.

"Poor Cloud," said someone behind me. I looked; it was Tseng of the Turks. I crawled into his arms.

"Un-fucking-believable, that is something I thought I would never see," said Angeal.

I kissed Tseng on the lips.

"NOOO," screamed Kunsel.

I slipped a hand down Tseng's pants, and into his boxers.

"OMG!" yelled Zack.

"For the love of Gaia people," said Angeal.

Then the thing I never thought I would see happened, Zack started to cry.

_Angeal Hewley's POV:_

Poor Zack. "Come here Zack," I said.

"NO!" he screamed, running out of the room.

He was tripped as he got through the door. But he kept running.

The person who tripped him ran after him yelling "Zack, I fixed the son of a bitch machine!"

Zack was last seen going into his room.

"Guys look what you did to Zackary," I said, I had never seen Zack upset.

Cloud had now pushed Tseng onto Kunsel's bed and started to have sex with him.

"God Cloud, don't you have any dignity," I asked.

"Gods," Tseng corrected.

"Goddess," Genesis corrected, passing by.

"Your… Hindu aren't you?" Cloud said.

"No, yes, maybe," he said.

"Shut up and let's get back to sex." Cloud said.

"Gods Cloud, your pushy," Tseng said.

"Well this is better than when Kunsel and Zack come in every time they are bored and rape me." Cloud said. "Shoo, we want to be alone."

"Fine," I said, I'm going to find Zack.

"Okay then Kunsel you have a mission." Cloud said.

"What?" he asked.

"Just get the fuck out of here." Cloud said.

"Fine," he huffed.

THE END of Chapter 2._  
_


End file.
